Over the years I've encountered (as I'm sure you all have too!) various reactions to “I write romance” when people ask what you do.  I also spent many years stuttering through explanations like, “oh, I do a few things - personal assistant, fitness instructor - but I'm really focusing on writing and it's not ‘romance’ romance but more fiction with-”  By the time I'd finished, I'd either end up practically apologizing for my writing or making it so insignificant it only invited derision.

I'm now older and wiser.  Loud and Proud.  Unapologetic for my genre.  I hope that I can address some bad questions in this article that will inspire and empower you all too.

In my experience, people who cast aspersions on your chosen profession are generally doing it for one of three reasons a) they don't know any better b) they want to feel intellectually superior or c) they're jealous because you're doing something you love.   How you react will reflect not only on you, but on the genre.  If you're a militant and fly into a rage every time an ill-informed person asks “oh, you write bodice rippers, then?” you're going to get tired very quickly, and probably get a bad reputation as ‘that crazy romance writer’. (By the way, a good response to the bodice ripper question is: “that's actually an old derogatory term from the eighties.  They're not called that.”  If you're then asked, “oh, what are they called, then?”  you can simply reply, “books.”)

The key is to address their question as if it's a serious one.  You may feel like you're in the middle of a public flogging when asked “do you write trash/pornography?”  “aren't they all the same?” and “when are you going to write a real book?” but the trick is to keep your cool - a calm response can be just as effective as a quick slap on the face (although violence does have its appeal!)

Be gentle with them.  You have the potential to convert a potential reader and that in itself is gold.  When they say “oh, it's just a romance novel?” Amy O'Connor (Extasy Books) tells them, “Yeah.  And did you know that more than half of all books sold in Australia are romance?”  Statistics are great, so use them to your advantage:  the genre has 51 million readers, it's a billion dollar business, it's the only genre that regularly crosses mystery, suspense, fantasy and women's fiction boundaries, a romance is sold every six seconds somewhere in the world (okay, I made that last bit up but I know the figures come close.)

That came from my dentist (of all people).  To which I replied innocently, “Why, what's wrong with wanted to be published with the largest publisher of women's fiction in the world?”  Of course, that was before he stuck that suction thingy in my mouth but I still got an apologetic, “oh, nothing.  Nothing.”

Yes, the Harlequin conglomerate are the largest publishers of romance fiction in the world, but they aren’t the only publishers.  Again, get them to elaborate.   If they have to logically verbalize their prejudices, it often negates them.  And it's much easier to counter their preconceived notions!

Well.... no.  If by ‘the same’ they mean ‘a man and a woman overcoming obstacles and growing into new awareness, then gaining physical or mental reward in an uplifting ending,’ then yes, that is the nature of the romance genre.  Readers of each genre have their own expectations - mysteries require a mystery, horror requires triumph over evil, and comedy requires some kind of humorous situation or premise.

If I pick up a JD Robb novel I know I'll get something dark and evil and people will die, but Eve Dallas will always end up with Roarke and there will be a triumph of good.  If I pick up a Laurell K Hamilton, I know I'll get vampires, graphic (sometimes too graphic!) death and violence,  Anita Blake will kick some serious ass and probably get steamy-hot sex.  And if I pick up a Sue Grafton, I know Kinsey Millhone will give great internal dialog, stand up for the little guy and get to the bottom of an injustice (well, most of the time!).

It's all about reader expectation and in a romance, a reader expects if not a traditional happy-ever-after conclusion, then at least a satisfying and uplifting end, regardless of whether the heroine gets her man or not.

A simple, “it varies,” or even “that's between me and my accountant,” can work.  So can Harlequin author Deborah Hale's all-purpose response: “tell me how much you make and I'll tell you if it's higher or lower.”  Still another author has replied: “Not as much as you think,” which is sure to drive them crazy.  Imagination is a powerful thing!

Recently on a US email list one author was rendered speechless by a rude dinner guest.  When being served his entree, he remarked that it looked like a certain part of the female anatomy, and then laughingly proceeded to tell everyone that he'd been reading his hostess's novels.  Righteous e-list anger flew from keyboards around the world - and amidst all the creative suggestions came some very witty remarks that I've stored up for future use: 

“Really? I was going for ‘erect penis’, actually.” 

“I wouldn't have thought you'd know what [insert women's part] looks like.” 

“How you manage to critique the food and insult me in the same breath, I'll never know.”

And my favorite: “Wait until you see the main course!”

Of course, this man was out to cause insult and karma did get him in the end - his fellow dinner guests pulled him aside later and told him it was very rude and ungracious and they were not amused.

Temptation author Jill Monroe encountered the worst at a recent book signing in the US.  A woman came up to her and other authors and  asked to their faces if they “wrote crap, that smutty, trashy crap”.  Jill was shocked speechless.  Fellow author Gena Showalter (Pocket and HQN) who was also there at the time says,  “Jill and I came very close to telling her about all the times we'd written something truly amazing but went back and changed it to crap ASAP.  But seriously, what a great nightly news story that would have made.  ‘Romance writers these days are writing more kick-ass heroines.  Beware, because some of these romance writers can kick-ass with the best of them’.”

I love Young Adult author Garth Nix’s quote: “You should never judge any genre by the worst example of it and I think it is quite narrow minded to think that a particular form will mean it is not worth reading.”

The worst thing to do is get defensive, which is what your attacker wants (“Awww, look at the little romance author getting all flustered trying to defend trash!  Ain't that cute?”).  You could reply: “have you actually read a romance novel?”  A myriad of responses to this question abound: offended spluttering and an emphatic no (to which you can say innocently “how can you possibly make a judgment on such a popular genre without reading it?”); or “I read one, once, years ago” (your response: “well, the market has changed drastically since then.  What do you like to read?” and then recommend some good books); or “my mother/daughter/wife reads them,” (to which you can say with a smile, “They must have good taste, then!”)

What's so smutty about a man and a woman in (or about to be in) a committed relationship expressing their love physically?  Or as one author succinctly puts it - “when there's so much pain, death and destruction in the world, what makes writing about a romantic relationship between a man and a woman so bad?” 

To the porno question: give an emphatic “no.”  By definition, pornography's primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal.  Romance is about love - people growing and changing, as well as the growth of that love based on trust, respect and overcoming fears.  In some romance there is a physical expression of that love, which is and should be a part of any healthy relationship.  But not all include graphic or even subdued lovemaking: inspirational, faith and young adult books have none.

A more amusing response could be a polite “no ma'am/sir.  If you want pornography there's probably an adult shop somewhere in this town.  Try the Yellow Pages.”  Or you could say what bestselling author Linda Howard does: “only if you have a dirty mind.”

Let them elaborate by replying “define unrealistic expectations.” (good ol’ Deborah Hale!) Or if you're so incensed that you don't want them to elaborate: “What's so unrealistic about love, honor, commitment, monogamy and overcoming adversity?”  Even better: “Do you think readers of Stephen King and Michael Crichton believe in psycho rabid dogs or dinosaurs run amok?  It's called fiction for a reason.”  Still another response:  “it's escapism entertainment.  Some people go to the movies, some play video games, some read.”

And then there are some people who must put you down no matter what because, God forbid, you actually love what you do.

You could just laugh that off by saying, “So do I!” or “Writing a story that an editor will want to buy is all about talent, perseverance, patience and blind luck.  And the pay is highly overrated!”  Or if you want to take the person’s aspirations seriously: “Well, if you want to be a writer, I can put you in touch with some good writer's groups.  But it's pretty hard work for little pay in the beginning.” 

Let's face it, “I can churn one out,” isn't a serious admission from a would-be writer, it's a simple case of one-upmanship (remember the song, “Anything you can do, I can do better”?).  They either don't have aspirations of their own and must ride on the back of yours, or they do have them and think theirs are either dumb or unattainable and you'd deride them too if you knew what they were.  If the person is not totally offensive and you haven't slugged them :-) get them in a discussion about characterization, point of view, cause and effect, the writer's journey, or offer to point them to helpful websites, journals, other info... then you'll know if they're interested or just wanting to belittle you for realizing your dreams.  Or tell them: “if you truly want to write, then write what you love.  Don't waste years of your life trying to write for a genre that you don't enjoy - the editors can tell and you'll never get published.” 

Another good response: “Writing a novel is like becoming a brain surgeon.  It takes years to learn your technique and style and even then there's no guarantee it will be saleable.  But anyway, good luck with that weekend!”

This especially applies to e-book authors who get a drubbing because a) they are writing 'trash' and b) e-books aren't even made of paper!  Amy O'Connor has this comeback: “Well, if they’re not real books, then I guess they must be fairy-dust royalties I’m getting. Better go cash that check before it evaporates.”

A couple of other responses I'm also particularly fond of:  “What?  You mean typed pages bound by a cover and spine isn't A REAL BOOK??!!!  I've been duped!!”

“Define ‘real.’”

“Never.  I like writing fake books.  They give so much joy to those who want to feel intellectually superior.” (this one courtesy of Jennifer Crusie).

“If by ‘real’ you mean full of pain, angst, sorrow, human tragedy or suffering, then I’d rather write something that makes people feel good.  And will sell.”

My first reaction would be “that's none of your business!”  But of course, given a bit more time and a blank computer screen, I can come up with snappier responses (hey, I live to edit!).  Try a simple “yep!” and a grin.  Merline Lovelace (MIRA, Penguin) has a standard reply to the ‘are you getting any?’ question: “ask my husband how he got all his gray hair.”  Or use Deborah Hale's all-purpose response: “define lots.  Tell me how much you're getting and I'll tell you if I'm getting more or less.” 

Remember that humor diffuses tension and a well-delivered answer while looking them right in the eye works wonders.  My personal favorite comes from Mercedes Lackey (Luna): “No.  I have staff for that.”

Or you could turn the question around and challenge their preconceived notions: “would you ask John Grisham if he's ever killed someone to aid his research?”

Or stump them with:  “I write inspirational/Regency/young adult romance.  Hand holding is about as far as it goes.”

Okay, so I've addressed a few questions here but (sadly) I'm sure there's  many more out there.  Whatever question you're asked, remember to respond with professionalism.  As one smart person said “the only person who can make you feel inferior is yourself.”  Stay true to you and your genre and be proud that at least you are following your dreams!